Ngumnqweno woninzi ukuthi lakufika ixesha umntu abe nosapho, lume ngendlela yesiqhelo: umfazi nendoda nabantwana ukutsho oko. Kuthi kwakungabi njalo abantu banxube, bawe bevuka bezamana neendlela zokwenza ukuba izinto zihambe ‘ngendlela’.
Indawana endinqwenela ukuhamba nayo ke kulo mba yile yabantwana. Ukuzalwa komntwana kuba yimincili nemigcobo phakathi kwekhaya.
Izihlobo, izalamane nabamelwane baphuma bengena ukuza kuvuyisana nosapho ngenxa yalowo mntu mtsha ufikileyo phakathi kwekhaya.
Kuba yimibulelo nemivuyo kube njeya. Elowo uba nonqweno wokuba usana luthiywe igama nguye. Ukunqanda ukruthakruthwano ke ngokuthiywa kosana – kude kwakho nemimiselo efana nokuba umafungwashe okanye inkulu ithiywe ngutatomkhulu nomakhulu, hayi ngunina noyise.
Igama alithiywayo ke umntwana isoloko iligama elichaza abamnqwenelela kona umntwana lowo abo bamthiyayo. Ubizwa ngento yonke entle nenqwenelekayo emntwini, ukususela ebuntwaneni ukusa ebuntwini obukhulu.
Igama athiywa lona umntu asilolakhe lelabo bamthiyayo, abazali ubukhulu becala okanye abazali bomzali. Inguqu edalwa kukufika komntwana phakathi kwekhaya siyiva egameni, kwanendlela oluziva ngayo usapho ngomntwana lowo.
Ukukhulisa umntwana iba ngomnye umcimbi nofunisa ukuba usapho ngokubanzi lubambisane. Ndikhe ndamamela kunomathotholo indlela ekuthiwa yesulungekileyo yokukhulisa umntwana.
Akhange ndingqinelane noninzi lwezinto ezibe zithethwa apho. Kwawam amava akukho ndlela yokukhulisa umntwana imiselweyo nekuthiwa yeyona ichanekileyo ukwenza umntwana lowo abe nekamva eliqaqambileyo okanye abe ngumntu olulutho.
Omnye ukhuliswa kujoliswe ekubeni abe yile akuba mdala, suka abe nto yimbi. Wumbi wenzelwa yonke into embeka ethubeni lokuba nekamva eliqaqambileyo, suka ayinyevulele yonke leyo nto abe yintswelaboya.
Umzali uwa evuka ke esenza konke okusemandleni akhe ukulungiselela umntwana wakhe ingomso eliqaqambileyo. Ihlwempu lirhuqa ngesifuba eluthulini, libopha amabande, lizamela abantwana balo ukuba bakhule ngendlela efanelekileyo, lijolise kwingomso labo.
Xa ukhulisa umntwana uba neenjongo zokuba ngomso uya kukhululeka kubunzima bokukhulisa yena, kuba uza kuba ngumntu opheleleyo nonothi nawe ngokwakho uxhomekeke kuye ngandlela ithile. Nantoni oyenza namhlanje uneenjongo zokuba ibe lulutho kuwe ngomso ngandlela ithile.
Libathu elivisayo ke abantwana abathi bakukukhula, enokuba balungiseleleke kakuhle na okanye akunjalo, basuke babe nto yimbi kunaleyo bebelungiselelwa yona. Yintlungu engenakulinganiswa nanto ukujikelwa sisizalo sakho. Kubo bonke abantu abanokukwenza into embi ebomini, abesizalo sakho ngabokugqibela ukuba bakwenze loo nto.
Kude kwathiwa ukuzala kukuzolula nje ibe iziziqhamo ezinjalo, zokuba ukuzala kubuya kube lulutho kuwe ekuhambeni kwemihla.
Kwimihla esikuyo libathu elivisayo abazali abangakholisekiyo yindlela abathi bakuba badala abantwana babeyiyo. Abafundileyo nabangafundanga, abasebenzayo nabangasebenziyo, kuyafana nje. Xa nditshoyo andisingise kubazali abafuna ukulawula ubomi babantwana babo nangona sele bekwikhabathiso lokuziphatha nokuziphilela ubomi babo.
Kambe ke umzali uhlala engumzali, akukhathaliseki nokuba umntwana ungakanani na. Ngako oko yindalo ukuba umzali ahlale efuna ukubulawula ubomi bomntwana wakhe, kuxhomekeke kwintsebenziswano yabo ke ukubonisana nokuqondisana.
Ukuthi umntwana akuba mdala, emva kwayo yonke le nkxamleko sele ndiyibalule yokukhulisa umntwana, asuke enze izinto ezitenxileyo ezifana nokunxila nokudla iziyobisi, nokuzibandakanya kwizenzo zobuhenyu nobubi behlabathi – kuyambulala umzali.
Kubuhlungu ukubona umntwana wakho eyintswelaboya norhuqa-phantsi wento engento! Ingaba ukuzala kukuzolula ngenene na ke? Inga baninzi abawuzondayo umhla abakhawula ngawo nje! Goba msenge iibhokhwe zikudle!
Owenu kwisiXhosa, Nxuba.
THROWBACK: Ityala Lamawele